He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
