WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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