You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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