i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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