I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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