when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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