I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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