I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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