we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I need to stop coming to work sober
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
