worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
