her vagine was all disorganized.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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