DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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