Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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