Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did i walk over a car last night?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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