He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
