guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Actually new year, new me. I havenāt had sex yet so technically Iāve been a virgin all year.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
