Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
