so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
