All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
