Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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