I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
