the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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