She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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