I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she told me i tasted like america
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
