lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
