im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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