Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
