He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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