first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
