Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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