you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
