I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize