The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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