just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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