I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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