My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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