Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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