the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
