we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
