There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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