I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
