fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
