i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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