It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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