So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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