my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
