We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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