By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize