Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
