At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
