i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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