Pappa wants mamma naked
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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