Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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