We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
