I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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