I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
